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Volumes 2, 3, and 4…

April 23, 2013

Wow, it’s only be a few days since I last wrote, and yet it’s seemed like an eternity…

Not literally, but you get what I mean! And if any of you clicked the link and watched my band’s pretty good performance, Thank you! And I guess since I brought my band up, we’ll start with that…

So my eventful Saturday began around 2pm, which was the beginning of band practice of course. We ran most of the songs in the set, kind of worked on the new one, hung out for a bit, and Jeff and James left to get their shit for later. I stuck around, like I always do, and Perry and I piled our shit in my car, got Mr. Softee and left around 6.

Now I must mentioned, Mr. Softee is one of the greatest Ice Cream trucks around, don’t let anyone tell you other wise. And I swear to God, Perry has Softee senses. We were in his kitchen, all the way at the back of the house, about to make some sandwiches before we left, and Perry pauses. He and I go outside, and look whose their, Mr. Fucking Softee. We ran like 3 year olds, I kid you not, and got some Mr. Fucking Softee. Boy do I love that kid.

NOTE: I will be using the metaphor “eating sandwiches” from now on as a metaphor for… well, if you watch How I Met Your Mother, you’ll get it. If not, remember that Satuday was 4/20…

So we begin the 40+ minute drive after 6, and boy what a drive it was. Perry, of course, began on the sandwich a little more than halfway there. We got lost after we get off the exit. Trust me, full or not, it was a bit confusing the way we took. We pulled over a few times, and of course, he continued on the sandwich every time, even though he was supposed to give me instructions…

We eventually get there, park, and he and I take a few bites of the sandwich before we go in and start unloading. He, of course, is a lot more full than I am at the time, and it definitely showed during the show…

We were the second band up at this “show.” I put show in quotes because, and we should have expected this, it wasn’t packed as advertised… A good 20-30 people showed, if that. But as Perry’s dad always says, and I’m paraphrasing, “Doesn’t matter if there’s 10 people or 10,000 people, play like you’re playing MSG every time.” So we did, or at least 3 of us did… Perry…

And of course he threw in Robin Banks before our last song… Like that was the place to mentioned Alt. Rock… I let it slide though, b/c he was stoned, and the scene is dead, but more on that later.

But we played, and OH, before we went on, the chick singer of the activist death metal band came up to me and said, “Sorry that I yelled at you before. My adrenaline is always pumping after a show.”

“What?” I asked, partially full, but not full enough to be out of it.

“Weren’t you by the merch table? And I yelled at you?” she asked

“Uhmmm,” I replied, “I don’t think so…”

And yeah, either she yelled at someone else, or I just didn’t hear it.

Anyways, we played our 30 minute set, and played it well for the most part. And as we were packing our shit up, we went to the tiny parking lot in back and there was a car boxed in. Can you guess whose?

Right, mine… And rumor had it, it was done on purpose to keep people here, not knowing that it was mine to begin with. There was a dumpster in front of me, a white sedan behind me, and a black SUV to the right of mine. And all of the parking spots were filled, hence the parking arrangement.

So the plan was Jeff, James, their girlfriends and Natalie would leave for Perry’s, while Perry and I stayed until at least the band who got us the show played. This plan, of course, came after 15-20 of arguing and a couple bites of the sandwich. Only Perry, Natalie, and I had bites at that time. Jeff is a healthy guy and James wasn’t hungry for a while.

So the next band went on. They were some kind of rock band, and a pretty good one. Didn’t really fit in with the bands, but Perry and I enjoyed them, and we talked to the singer for a bit too. Then the band that booked us went on. They kicked ass, and then we left with just the one band having to go on.

Now the black SUV had parked in the spot James’ car was in, so all I had to do was maneuver out between the sedan and dumpster. So Perry’s goal was to guide me out. And, of course, again, he’s taking some more bites… I get out, we don’t get lost, and we drive back to his home.

Now during the car ride, I brought up how if we’re in this “scene” in 5-6 years and not going anywhere, we should just stop. Now do not get me wrong AT ALL, I fucking love music and it’s changed me into who I am today. I couldn’t be more proud and thankful for that. But there comes a point where it’s like, where are we going? You know? And Perry brought up laying low for a while, and I said that since Jeff is going to Buffalo, there’s our chance.

And to be honest, I’m finally ok with it.

The root of my sadness is that I don’t want to lose my connection with Perry again, you know? Before the band, we kind of lost touch for a bit, but the band brought us back together, and closer than ever. So I told him, if you need a fill in bassist for Robin Banks, I’d be more than happy to fill in. And he said it meant a lot to him, and I’m glad it did.

So we get back to Perry’s, take a few more bites in my car, and head into his basement. And of course, the rest of the group was already there, eating food Perry’s mom made. And to make a long story short, Perry, James, Natalie, and I ate a lot of the sandwhich, and the night was just good.

Now onto the title, which will tie back into Saturday.

But let me just get this out of the way: My dad has minor prostate cancer. We were driving home from the train station Thursday night and he flat out told me. Luckily they caught it early and he’s going to begin Inner Radiation Therapy. From what I understood, they stick some kind of radiation into him and it’ll get rid of the cancer eventually. Of course, he could also gain spider-like abilities. Kidding, but still, imagine? 

It’s scary though. I know it’s minor and easily treatable, but still, it’s cancer. I’m suppose to keep quiet about this until my dad tells my sister, but come on, I’ve been spilling everything here. And not saying that this is some sort of karmic payback, but do you think it could be? But I would never wish cancer upon anyone, especially my own fucking father. I’m praying, and hopefully you will too, for a speedy and non-complicated recovery.

Friday: The day was uneventful until dinner. My mom, sister, her friend, and myself went out to a Chinese buffet, a food that is beginning to grow on me. I told them what happened with the chick and here’s where the “Volume 2” part comes in.

After I told them what happened, my mom then goes to bring up how she has a doctor friend. He, I think he, has 4 daughters, and they go to an all girls school (I know, all girls school 😉 ). The eldest one, a senior, needs to “rent-a-guy” for prom.

“Are you trying to pimp me out, mother?” I then ask.


“I’m a prostitute,” I said, “And you’re my pimp, mom.”

Before I tie it into the title, let me say that I hadn’t agreed nor disagreed to it. I haven’t seen the chick and think about it: she doesn’t have ONE guy friend, regardless of an all girls school? But hey, crazier things have happened.

Ok, title time! So it’s Saturday, I’m full, and i mentioned this to the group. And my second memoir title, or second volume title arises, “My Mother is Trying to Pimp Me Out: Another Collection of Stories” 

And because it’s late and this is a lot to read, I’ll just give you 3 and 4.

Three: It arose from us trying to find chicks for Perry to, well, have relations with. And they asked, I’m/they aren’t racist, “Would Perry date an Asian?” I replied, “She would make him feel dumb!”

After some laughter, Jeff’s girlfriend says, “Zak, you’re smarter when you’re high!”

Volume 3: I’m Smart When I’m High: A Few More Collections.

Four: Now, I was pretty full at the time, but I think it had to do with bubbles. James’ girlfriend had a pen that had bubbles in it, and as I was trying to pull off the cap, the bubble blower didn’t come out. And after some hassle, this title arose:

Volume Four: I Never Get To Blow Bubbles.

And that’s that!

Sunday night was great. The final night of the Metal Alliance tour was just fucking kick ass. Too good for words to describe. Monday was alright, my sleep deprivation finally caught up with me from 2:50-7:00PM today. I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. 

And now that is it. When something else comes up, you all know I’ll be writing about it!


But until then…


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